Photo credit: Brooke Schultz
It's been quite some time since I made the time to share a Real MOM Monday post. It's quite silly actually. In addition to acting as another form of therapy for me, writing is truly one of my favorite things to do. Note to self: write more in 2017.
Perhaps one of the reasons my writing came to a halt this year was that I was pretty much pregnant and exhausted for the majority of 2016. I scraped up all my energy to take care of my family, myself, and the must-do's of BURU. There wasn't much left beyond that. Now with a newborn, there seems to be even less of me, but so much more to do. And though I have hinted at many #Jesustakethewheel moments via social media, I haven't fully shared what is going on with us.
So...here comes the BIG lemon of 2016.
On the Monday after Thanksgiving, with a 3-week old in one hand and a laptop in the other, my phone started buzzing. It was Brett. We had spoken less than an hour earlier, and though it wasn't unusual for us to speak multiple times in a day, it was uncommon for him to call back this quickly. My "momtuition" instantly kicked in. I could feel the bad news coming from the other end before he spoke a single word, though I was clueless as to what the "bad" would be. I certainly wasn't expecting—
"He FIRED me."
(he being the boss)
Brett was remarkably calm—his voice almost unrecognizable to me. As I peppered him with questions, he remained stoic and kind. As the uncontrollable tears began to run down my face, he assured me that we would be okay. No doubt, he was in shock—as was I. He hadn't been happy in this position for almost a year and the job was proving to not be the opportunity we moved across the country for, but still—this drastic decision felt out of the blue to us.
Brett and I are both believers of going all in. Sometimes this similarity is a win for us and sometimes it gets us in trouble. In this case, it's unfortunately the latter. You see, we gave Salt Lake City our all. We put down roots here so that he could fully commit to this company. We invested in a home and the expansive renovations that followed. We committed to Olive's school and pledged our financial support. We relocated BURU—leaving behind a well-oiled office that had to be reestablished here in SLC. To be frank, we were doing everything we could to make this city feel like home. In retrospect, we were forcing it. It's clear now, that God never meant for this to be our home for long.
I want all of you reading this to know that I am so aware that the loss of a job is not the end of the world. I thank God everyday for our 2 healthy babies, our happy marriage and our supportive families—but I can't sugar coat how scary and stressful this has been.
While BURU has had a strong growth year (thanks to all of our wonderful #burumamas and our #burutribe!) it's not ready to support our family's current lifestyle. As I am sure many of you can relate, we fall into the "the more you make, the more you spend" sector. The unnecessary excess is actually quite gross. We hopped on a hamster wheel of accumulation and now it's time to get off. "Give me the simple life" as the song goes.
For the past month, I have dealt with an insane amount of emotions. Coupled with the lack of sleep due to feeding a tiny human around the clock, the busyness of the holidays, and of course my bipolar disorder—to say that the end of 2016 was a struggle is a big fat understatement. Initially I was overwhelmed with anger. I was furious that someone's sense of timing could be so poor. I felt that what should be a joyous time of celebrating a new life was clouded by a man's decision that my husband was too "pricey" for the SLC market. I grappled to understand WHY we even came to this place—so far from family and friends.
Then, Brett signed the final separation agreement. As he laid the pen on the table, I saw his shoulders relax. I saw color come back in his cheeks. I saw a light that had slowly dimmed without me noticing it, re-ignite. At that very moment, among all the fear and angst, I felt hope, happiness and gratitude. The truth is, we didn't have the guts to walk away from the paycheck—even though said paycheck was slowly sucking the joy out of each day. In the stroke of a cheap, Wal-mart brand pen, I got my husband back.
I realize that the next phase of life is going to be challenging and trying, but I also know that the two of us—working as a team can make it through anything. With that said, we've decided to take the BIG entreprenurial leap and go BOLD for BURU.
We started this business together, and I have missed his presence, his guidance, and his brainpower every day since we moved to SLC. It's time for him to come back!
It's also time for us to MOVE on. Once our house sells (it went on the market the week before Christmas..fun times let me tell you) we are outta here!
City of Angels here we come!
With the growth of the BURU White Label, Los Angeles is no doubt the best place for BURU and seeing as our kids have been blessed with a back yard since birth, we feel it's time they experienced a little gritty city!
So many wrinkles to iron out, but as the "happy man" in Pretty Woman so eloquently put it, "Welcome to Hollywood! What's yo' dream?"
This is ours and we're going for it!
I look forward to sharing this journey with you—the good, the bad, and the BURU. In the next few months, our family will see many changes. For those of you going through anything similar, I am excited to write about our "make it work" moments.
To 2016 - you gave us a new human and dropped a bomb on us that resulted in a new outlook on life.
To 2017 - we're coming for you! {insert fist pump}
